Lodestar Page 16

  “And by the way,” Dex told his brother, “she’s way too good for you.”

  “YEAH WELL THEY’RE BOTH TOO GOOD FOR YOU!” Bex and Rex shouted as they circled back.

  Dex turned pleading eyes to his mom. “You promised you’d keep them away.”

  “I will,” Juline said. “I was just waiting until everyone was here.” She closed her eyes and raised her arms, sweeping her hands back and forth in broad, graceful motions.

  “Are you a Froster?” Biana asked as tiny flecks of white formed all around them.

  It felt like they were standing in the middle of a shaken snow globe, and the flakes swirled in the same pattern as Juline’s wispy movements.

  The triplets stopped fighting to watch as their mom gathered the bits of ice into a cloud that grew and stretched until their whole property was covered. Then, with a whoosh of breath, Juline dropped her arms and let the snow fall, turning their yard into a winter wonderland.

  “Amazing,” Sophie whispered.

  But something about it felt wrong.

  “Didn’t you tell me that being a Froster is a stupid talent?” she whispered to Dex. “After the day they made you test for it in ability detecting?”

  “I probably did,” Dex mumbled. “And it’s not my favorite talent. But . . . I think I was grumpy because I didn’t manifest. I’d figured that was my best shot, y’know?”

  Biana seemed to be asking herself much bigger questions. She glanced between Juline and the snow—back and forth. Then her eyes widened. “It’s you, isn’t it?”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Juline said—but there was a tightness to her voice that said otherwise.

  “No one else sees it?” Biana asked, turning to Sophie, Fitz, and Dex. “Try really looking at her—and think about her voice.”

  “Really, I think you have me confused with someone else,” Juline insisted. “And maybe we should—”

  “Wait,” Fitz interrupted. “I think I see it.”

  “See what?” Dex asked.

  “Nothing,” Juline said quickly.

  “You’re really not going to tell him?” Biana asked.

  “Tell me what?” Dex snapped, his eyes narrowing at everyone.

  “I don’t know what’s going on,” Kesler jumped in, “but if you’re accusing my wife of something—”

  “I’m not accusing,” Biana interrupted, focusing on Juline. “If you don’t want me to say anything I won’t.”

  Juline smiled sadly. “I think we’re well past that.”

  Her fingers scratched nervously at her neck as she watched the triplets disappear into the trees, lobbing snowballs at each other the whole way. “And I suppose it’s overdue. I’ve been putting this off, hoping I’d find a perfect moment.”

  “What are you talking about?” Kesler asked.

  “It’s . . . probably easier if I show you.”

  Juline took a slow breath and held up her arms, letting the snow gather around her again. But instead of whipping into a storm, she pulled the flakes in close and let the frost coat her skin.

  Layer by layer, the ice grew thicker, until her whole body was encased in a frozen shell.

  “See?” Biana said as Sophie sucked in a breath.

  Dex’s jaw dropped as far as his lips could stretch.

  “Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” Kesler asked.

  It took Dex a few seconds to mumble, “She’s . . . Squall.”

  TWENTY-FOUR

  SQUALL?” KESLER REPEATED, grabbing Juline’s frozen hands. “Who is Squall? Wait—you’re one of them? Like the guy who eats all the ruckleberries?”

  “The Black Swan,” Juline corrected, keeping her voice low as she glanced over her shoulder to check for triplets. They were still among the trees, screaming and shouting through their snowball fight. “I’ll have to figure out how much I can trust them to know. I should’ve prepared better for this—I just didn’t expect anyone to notice. It’s not like I’m the only Froster in our world!”

  “Sorry,” Biana mumbled. “The whole time I’ve been here, I kept thinking your voice sounded familiar. So when I saw the snow, it clicked. I think it’s because Squall—or I should probably say ‘you’—was the member of the Collective I was the most curious about. I actually thought you were someone on the Council who was secretly a Froster, because you were always having to race back to the Lost Cities.”

  “That would’ve been a more interesting anecdote,” Juline said, twirling a few times to shed her icy disguise. “Really I’m just the only member of the Collective with a family living at home who would notice my absence. Wraith was also concerned that Dex would recognize me.”

  Dex laughed—dark and thick and definitely not because he found anything funny. “Guess he was wrong. Apparently I’m an idiot.”

  “No, you’re not,” Sophie promised.

  “She’s right,” Kesler said. “There’s nothing idiotic about trusting your mother not to lie to you.”

  “I haven’t lied,” Juline said quietly. “But yes, I have kept secrets. I had to—those who know the truth have to be involved, and that required risks and sacrifices that I wasn’t about to let any of you suffer.”

  “What if I wanted to be involved?” Kesler asked. “You know I have no warm feelings toward the Council.”

  “I know.” She reached for his hand, and for a second it looked like he might pull away. But he sighed and let Juline twine her fingers with his. “If both of us were part of an illegal rebellion, it would’ve put our whole family at risk. Who would’ve cared for our children if we’d been discovered and captured?”

  “Okay, but what about me?” Dex asked. “I’m part of the Black Swan. How could you stand there in Alluveterre after I swore fealty and not tell me?”

  “It was the Collective’s decision—though I did support it.” She reached for him, but unlike his father, Dex did pull away. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I know how huge this must feel. But I had to protect our organization. We’d never planned to let any of you join—”

  “Not even me?” Sophie interrupted.

  “Not this early, no. But if we’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that we have to adapt in order to survive. So we let the five of you swear fealty—but we also took measures to minimize our risk. And one of those measures was to keep our identities anonymous until each of you had proven that you could protect our secrets. As it turned out, that was a wise decision, given what Keefe has done.”

  The frustration in her voice reminded Sophie that Wraith had included Squall in the not-trusting-Keefe camp.

  “Okay, fine,” Dex said. “But Forkle and Granite showed us who they are a few weeks ago—you could’ve come clean then!”

  Juline stared at the ground, where tiny crystals of ice swirled around her feet. “I could give you a thousand excuses, but none of them will change the fact that I handled this wrong. I should’ve told you before your friends caught me.”

  Biana slouched lower. “Sorry again.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Juline told her. “If anything, it’s a valuable reminder of why none of us should ever underestimate the four of you.”

  “You mean the three of us.” Dex said, kicking the snow. “I’m the jerk who didn’t recognize my own mom.”

  “Hey, my brother was spying on my family for most of my life, and I never noticed,” Fitz reminded him. “At least your mom is one of the good guys.”

  Dex shrugged. “I dunno. The Black Swan have done some pretty shady stuff—don’t even try to deny it.”

  “I won’t,” Juline said. “It’s yet another reason I didn’t want to involve my family. I’ve never done anything I didn’t believe in—but that doesn’t mean I haven’t crossed hard lines.”

  Sophie remembered the nightmares she’d had after she’d learned that Squall would be freezing off Gethen’s fingernails to remove whatever enzyme kept allowing the Neverseen to track him. Squall had assured her the process was painless, but . . .

>   “See?” Dex said when she shuddered. “Sophie gets it.”

  “I do,” Sophie said. “But I also think we all know the hard choices we have to face for this cause. You don’t defeat a group of murderers with rainbows and candy.”

  “I know,” Dex mumbled. “It’s just . . . weird.”

  “Aren’t you always telling people you like weird?” Juline asked.

  She reached for Dex again and this time he stayed put. He didn’t even flinch when she brushed the back of her fingers against his cheek.

  But he didn’t stop scowling, either.

  “Am I allowed to know how long you’ve been with the Black Swan?” Sophie asked.

  “Not as long as you’re probably thinking. Project Moonlark was well under way by the time I swore fealty. In fact, you’d already been born.”

  “So when was it?” Kesler pressed.

  Juline bit her lip. “A few months after I had the triplets.”

  “The triplets?” Kesler and Dex repeated.

  “Are you talking about us?” Bex shouted from somewhere among the trees.

  “I’m sharing stories about when you were babies. Want to join us?”

  Juline’s answer was perfect—not a lie, but all three shouted, “NO WAY!”

  Kesler kept his voice low as he said, “You’ve been with the Black Swan for eleven years?”

  “Closer to ten,” Juline corrected. “But yes, it’s been a long time. And it wasn’t something I planned. I was at the birthing center, and I kept holding my three innocent, adorable babies and thinking about how horribly our world was going to treat them. I could already see it happening. My physicians kept ending every sentence with ‘for triplets,’ like they automatically had low expectations. The babies are healthy ‘for triplets.’ Their speaking skills are normal ‘for triplets.’ Their intelligence is strong ‘for triplets.’ It broke my heart and made me want to cry and punch people in the throat and pack up our lives and leave the Lost Cities.”

  Kesler closed the space between them, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Why didn’t you tell me that was happening?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to blame yourself. Sometimes you act like you ruined my life by marrying me—and I hate that. I love you. I’ve never regretted my decision for one second. But it’s also helped me to see that our world is deeply flawed. That’s why I was so grateful to find Physic.”

  “Physic recruited you?” Sophie asked, sharing a look with Fitz.

  Physic was the physician who came to Alluveterre to save Fitz’s life after he’d been injured in Exile.

  Juline nodded. “When I left the birthing center, I asked Elwin for a list of pediatric physicians who would be more . . . open-minded.”

  “Does that mean Elwin knows who Physic is?” Biana asked.

  “Knowing and realizing are two different things. But I’m sure Physic will reveal herself soon. She’s not a fan of subterfuge. In fact, she never made any attempt to hide what she was from me. When she came to the house for the first checkup, she asked why I wasn’t at the birthing center, and when I gave a vague answer, she flat-out asked if I ever worried that the Council was blind to our world’s prejudices. After that, whenever she’d come for a checkup, she wouldn’t stop pushing until I’d admitted any callous things people had said or done. A few months later, she asked me, ‘If you could change our world, would you?’ And when I said yes, she asked if my answer would be different if the only way to change the world involved breaking rules. I was surprised to admit that it wouldn’t matter. That’s when she told me about the Black Swan and asked me to join. I swore fealty a few weeks later and started out as a simple information channel. But over time, they trusted me more. Eventually, when Physic stepped down from the Collective, she suggested me as her replacement—and I accepted the position.”

  “Physic was part of the Collective?” Fitz asked. “Why did she step down?”

  Juline glanced at Sophie.

  “It was because of my allergy, wasn’t it?” Sophie guessed.

  One of the memories the Black Swan had stolen from her—the one they hadn’t yet given back—was from when she was nine and woke up in the hospital after a severe allergic reaction. Her human doctors couldn’t figure out what had triggered it, but once she moved to the Lost Cities, she discovered she was allergic to limbium—an elvin substance. So an elf must’ve given her something that made her sick. But the who and the how and the why were all a big blank.

  “I’m guessing you’re not going to tell me what happened?” Sophie asked.

  “I think we’ve unearthed enough secrets today,” Juline said. “And honestly, Forkle and Physic never told us the whole story. But it did make her decide to focus on medicine again. So she nominated me to take her place in the Collective, and by that time the triplets were in their daily tutoring sessions, and Dex was helping at the store, so I had a few extra hours to devote to the cause.”

  “And you couldn’t have told me then?” Kesler asked.

  “I thought about it. But I was terrified. I couldn’t bear the thought of you hating me.”

  “I could never hate you,” Kesler promised.

  “But you’re still mad at me.”

  “Well, I think I’m allowed to be a little upset that my wife lied to me for ten years.”

  “I didn’t lie,” Juline insisted. “I was very careful about it. If I said I was going somewhere, I really did go. I just . . . took a detour along the way. It’s not ideal, I know. But I don’t want you thinking you can’t trust me. Everything about the life we’ve shared is real.”

  “Is it?” Dex asked. “What about when Sophie first showed up at Slurps and Burps and I told you about meeting her? You acted surprised.”

  “I was surprised! I’d had no idea she’d be living with Grady and Edaline. The last I’d heard, she was supposed to live with Alden and Della. But things were changing minute by minute. We’d planned for a much longer timeline before we brought Sophie into our world. But the Neverseen sparked the white fires and we had to get her somewhere safe.” Juline turned to Sophie. “I can’t imagine how confusing those days must’ve been for you. And I’m so sorry we had to uproot you that way. But I’ll always be grateful that you ended up with my sister.”

  “Me too.” Sophie’s eyes burned with the words, and she had to check her Imparter again.

  Still no hails from anyone.

  “Are you going to tell your parents about me?” Juline asked.

  “Do you not want me to?”

  “I think . . . it would be better if I tell them. I’m sure they’ll have lots of questions.”

  “So do I,” Dex jumped in. “’Cause I see a lot of things that don’t add up. Like, what happened when I was kidnapped? Why would you do a planting in the Wanderling Woods if you knew the Black Swan were still searching for me? And why was Forkle the one who came to rescue us?”

  “The days after you were taken were the worst days of my life,” Juline whispered. “None of us could piece together what happened, and there were too many conflicting reports for me to feel any hope. I also had a family that needed closure—and a world that expected me to grieve a certain way. So I went along with the planting. I didn’t know what else to do. And Forkle went to save you because his mental blocking is stronger than mine, and we weren’t sure if he’d have to confront your kidnappers. But if I’d known he was going to leave you both alone in Paris, I never would’ve let him go without me. When he came back empty-handed, I slapped him so hard he had my handprint on his cheek for three days.”

  It wasn’t the right moment to smile—but Sophie felt her lips twitch anyway.

  “This . . . is a lot to take in,” Kesler said quietly.

  “I know,” Juline told him. “This is why Councillors aren’t allowed to have families. And the Black Swan used to follow the same policy. They amended their rule for Tiergan—but he was already a member of the Collective when he adopted Wylie. The real reason they agreed to appoint me was because
they believed our family could handle it. And we can. I just need you to trust me.”

  “I need to know something first,” Dex said, not quite meeting her eyes. “Did you bring me to Havenfield that first day because you wanted me to spy on Sophie? Like Keefe’s mom did with him and Fitz?”

  Juline took him by his shoulders. “I promise, Dex. I brought you there because you asked. That’s it. And honestly, I was reluctant to do it. I could feel my worlds colliding. But you were so excited to meet Sophie, and I wanted so badly for you to have a friend. I didn’t want you spending another year eating lunch in your alchemy session.”

  “You ate in your alchemy session?” Biana asked.

  Shame burned Dex’s cheeks as he nodded.

  Biana’s blush looked even brighter as she whispered, “Sorry. I was really stupid back then.”

  “Me too,” Fitz said.

  Juline smiled sadly. “We all make mistakes. The only thing we can do is try to move past them. Can we do that?”

  She seemed to hold her breath as Kesler and Dex looked at each other.

  “I think we can,” Kesler decided.

  Dex nodded.

  Juline pulled them close, kissing Dex’s cheek before she kissed Kesler a whole lot longer.

  “EWWWWWWWWWW,” the triplets shouted as they raced out of the tree line. “YOU GUYS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHERE WE CAN SEE YOU.”

  “Deal with it,” Kesler said, kissing Juline again before scooping up an armful of snow and flinging it at his kids.

  “Well,” Juline said as the triplets retaliated, sending slushy balls of ice whizzing past everyone’s heads. “I think that’s our cue to get out of the battle zone.”

  She took Iggy’s cage from Sophie and grabbed one of Biana’s bags before she marched toward Rimeshire.

  Fitz and Biana followed, but Sophie noticed Dex lagging behind.

  “You okay?” she asked him.

  He kicked more snow. “Would you be?”

  “I don’t know. It’s a lot to get used to. But . . . I keep thinking about the oath we made when we swore fealty. Do you remember it?”